Did you catch the season finale of Game of Thrones last night?
Is the Pope Catholic?
I'll take that as a yes. I just can't get enough of it!
I know what you mean. You know it's loosely based on English history, right?
No! Like King Arthur and Knights of the Round table kind of shit?
No, it's based on the War of the Roses. The Stark's and the Lanister's? The York's and the Lancaster's?
Oh, I think I might've heard of them. Shakespeare's "Richard the third" was required reading in my English lit class. I think I got a C on it so not surprisingly, I remember fuck all about it.
Well let me enlighten you. It's actually incredibly complex but I'll try to give you the abridged version.
Fire away.
So I guess it all started with Edward III. He and his wife had a bushel of kids, but as per usual in the days before contraceptives, woman were basically breeding machines. The oldest, Edward, known as the Black Prince, was Prince of Wales and therefore next in line. He died before his father, so his son, Richard the II, inherited the throne after his grandfather died. He was only, like, ten, so his uncle, John of Gaunt, the Duke of Lancaster, was his regent.
Okay, I see some intrigue coming our way.
Not right away, but after Richard II came to power he was never really able to control the nobility. One of the rebels was his cousin, and also John of Gaunt's son, Henry. I guess, being as they were childhood friends, he didn't wanna behead him along with the rest of the rebels, so he exiled him from England.
So Henry was pretty pissed?
I'd say so because he came back to England, disposed Richard, who didn't have an heir, and crowned himself king. Poor Richard died in prison, probably starved to death by the same cousin he had shown clemency to.
Brutal. But where do the Stark's, I mean the York's come in?
Well Henry's grandson, Henry VI eventually became king, but he was kind of mentally unstable and therefore the York branch, also descended from Edward III, attacked the Kings forces and he became Edward IV.
Ohhh, so the York's win!
Let's not get ahead of ourselves. After a lot of fighting back and forth between the York's and the Lancaster's, Edward died and his brother, Richard III of Shakespeare fame, put Edward's sons in the Tower, where they were never seen or heard from again, and then he promptly declared himself king.
Okay, this is truly a game of thrones.
Oh it gets worse. Remember John of Gaunt, Duke of Lancaster?
At this point my head is spinning, but vaguely.
Well, in a totally cliche move, he married the kids nanny, after his wife died, and one of their descendants, Henry Tudor, married Edward IV's daughter and managed to kill Richard in battle. Thus, we have Henry VII.
Holy fuck! While I can agree this story is actually more convoluted than the Game of Thrones, where is all the incest?
Seriously, that's what's missing? Well if it helps, a lot of these people married their cousins and Richard III wanted to marry his niece, although I doubt he would have gotten Papal dispensation for that.
Okay, that's enough to make me sufficiently grossed out.
The Real Game of Thrones
Настоящая Игра Престолов
Winter is coming! - говорил Эддард Старк, и не ошибся. Внимание: Урок The Real Game of Thrones не содержит спойлеров! Но содержит большое количество полезной лексики, дворцовых интриг, исторических фактов, идиом, дворянских титулов и устойчивых выражений в английском языке.
